Freelance, self-employed, in-house workers of the design world, let me cover a few simple truths. Everybody knows you’re the creative one. Everybody knows you see things a little differently; that a lava lamp in your office is a necessity; that you fret about the difference between avocado green and military green. But they will never see you as anything other than a fool if you cannot dress the part.

“But, Tom,” you admonish me gently for my acerbic comment while wistfully recalling your college years, some of which you are still living. “I will be judged by the quality of my work, and they will grow to love my quirky sense of style.”

And my gentle rejoinder… is unprintable. Half of it involves hysterical laughter and the rest is sort of… dirty.

But, on Monday morning I will get up, bathe, shave, put on what I like to call my corporate drag outfit (button-up, slacks, tie, shoes without a swoosh) and I will come into work. I do not want to do this, mind you. I could probably increase my efficiency 80 percent if I could work in sweatpants and a beard down to my navel. But I am playing a role – the role of a professional amongst professionals. I am in corporate drag, and I am playing to win.

BoDo’s not paying me to give you fashion sense (thank God). I’m not trying to recreate MSNs ‘Ten dressing-well tips for the new millennium workplace!’ That is not my goal here. I’m here to give you a commonsense approach to self marketing and it starts with how YOU, not your work, appears.

Three tips on how to dress in Corporate Drag

1. Bathe/shave/brush teeth/deodorant: Frivolous, I know. But the rest of the world will nail you on all these points if you try to apply for a job, market yourself or walk into a meeting. If you have to drop one, then drop the shaving. You can always tell people that you’re trying to grow a beard (this tip doesn’t work for women, sorry).

2. An excellent hairstyle: This one is a little more flexible, with the exception of the mullet rule. (the mullet rule is that if you have a mullet, you should remove it, along with your head, for the comfort of the rest of us).

3. For Men: Yes, you want party hair, and you can still have party hair, but go to your stylist/barber and say “I want hair that I can make really cool when I go party, but will look office-ready on Monday,” Believe me – they KNOW. They get this request from people a LOT.

   Now, if you have long hair, then strap it down like bondage. NO PONY TAILS. First of all, the 80s are over. Secondly, do you really want the back of your head likened to the posterior of an equine? NO. You can have long hair, just pull it back and strap it down close to the nape and fasten it – not with your girlfriend’s big yellow pony, but with a nice black or clear band. Oh, and people know the difference between hair gel and greasy “I just pulled twenty nonstop hours of World of Warcraft” hair. You’re fooling nobody.

   Women: Stevie Nicks was very cool. Her hair was very cool. You are not Stevie Nicks. Your biggest challenge is to keep your hands off your head. And I do not mean “playing with your hair,” but that screwy constant battle you see some women dealing with where they rake their hair behind their ears, tuck a strand away, pull a strand out of their earring, and generally look like they can’t manage the hair. Once again, strap it down, strap it away. Make them focus on your face, not your hands fluttering across it.

4. Clothing: Here’s where things get fun. Quick surprise, folks: there is no such thing as a casual workplace. Dress for the day. For those of you who wear jeans and a t-shirt, or the Mexican peasant blouse and carnival skirts, to work, show up one day in a button-up and tie with slacks and watch the chaos ensue. Most will ask you if you have a court date, but all will tell you how good you look.

   And this applies to freelance as well as in-house, folks. If your clients wear a three-piece suit and tie, do not show up at their office dressed like the courier. It’s a lot like acting in a play, so dress to fit the role. Oh, and if you don’t own an iron, you should.

   Sidenote: Dressing in all black with the black turtleneck doesn’t say “I’m a disaffected outsider with a vision” anymore. Now it says either “I’m obsessed with Steve Jobs” or “I don’t like to wear a tie.”

Let’s back up to the people who are saying, “but I want to be judged on my merits and abilities as a designer! And if I change who I am on the outside, I am compromising my artistic integrity!”

My response is: “I like to dream, too, ducks. And I spent ten years wearing what I wanted to, with the simple result that I didn’t make any money.”

But corporate drag can be FUN. It’s kind of neat to play dressup, especially when you know you can go home and put on your sandals, your cargos, and your gray v-neck and walk right past your boss or client without them having a clue as to who you might be.

So go out there, play dressup with the adults. I won’t tell anybody you’re still the best of the big kids.

until the next
Dyer Straits
Tom

Thomas (Tom) Stephan | Director of Something Clever
BoDo Author | Dyer Straits